Little about me

In my past i guess you can say i never saw me as more because in my mind i am less my past is different compare to now

In all my honest truth i never thought i would have a future i always thought i would die in my 20s or something like that

Whom am i guess if i were to say my past i was lost more than one way my past i guess you can say i wasnt fully their but at the same time i was if you were to ask someone whom was close to me back than they will tell you compare to the past and now i have change idk what to say it i guess a condition its like being inside you looking out but at the same time you know what is happening idk how to describe that but after when i woke up i felt every and all emotions at once at the time i was awoken i realize the pain inward me bewteen 2012 give or take i came to awareness our whatever that was all i can and will say its something that happen and is stuck in me am the only whom knows whatever that is

I mean what to say about that?

Before my past idk if that had anything todo with me jump to school to school young age but i did have trouble learning i mean what can i say at times its feels like i lost so much more not i was really living our anything

My past is different from now 2012 i guess was the year i woke up i saw everything in total complete new way new forms i felt i lost years of my life how to explain that feeling at the same time i was in me but physically their to say is like looking inside yet their you know

As child i know many people whom where children as me face family problems and ect more all i can say about my past is it all started with family at time we all saperated from each other but i will say when it came to it all my brothers and sisters in some point were on my father side but at the end my mother had to do what she needed to do you know when its come down to it bewteen all my brothers and sisters i am the only one whom stay with her the longest three decades with her and more at the end of the day it true for some people family is everything and all its shame for me family is ok if you into it but losing my family like made realize family really isnt everything i guess thats where my trusting issues begun early age i learn that family is not everything family is about being their but the only one whom was their for good and bad is my mother in a way i am here for her but three decades and more is a lot when it comes to my mother i will say it you know she been their even if she not i mean i get you know she over protective of me

I mean looking at my position of life so much was taken from me besides that unknown condition of being in me but at the same time their i am i mean how to describe it

What have i really done in life at times feels like the lost of three decades and more are so real how to say i was awoken in the 2012 year 

The after effect of awaking me or as like to call it the phoenix awaking i realize everything and all in my life i started to question it all and everything and humanity itself but i started to look inward myself i realize that my past was full of pain and ect emotions

Like it or not it happen for a reason something that will stay with me forever i learn in a early age i am loner i guess thats a blessing right lonelyness but sometimes is best blessing and a curse parts of me am fight inward me sucks but happens

When i started to look inward me i came to someone whom i didnt expect to come to lets say it was like being drawn to that person before that i guess spiritually it was like call to that person like unexplain spiritual calling before that somewhere in high school i had a dream when it happen it was like a memories where at the point i came to this person and speaking with that certain person i knew that dream from years ago came true till a certain things happen idk what to say their

In a way that one person help me and that person tear up for me i am greatful for does tears but at the times i was broken in the most vulnerable i guess in a ways and forms that one person had a great meaning to me on that point

Somewhere in that point later on i started to come more in awareness started my own stories on instagram i mean yea i know am not know or seen but i consider it my passion

I mean put yourself in my pains a very young age i lost myself in a young age i lost my family because their egos and problems the position in my life doesnt help before i had no faith no light the darkness took and i fell asleep but at some point in my life one person which i will not say names but is a know person came in the point i need love i mean at the point before i lost a lot inward me but when this one know person came parts of me fell in love with that person even knowing idk that person but i said to myself i am gonna believe in love and because i already know how it feels to be down hopeless sadness and ect more that comes froms it

In a way years pass and forgot about that person didnt mean to forget but this one person whom i came to as the dream was a future event but this person show me the one person whom reminded me why i believe in love and reminded me my best i meam seeing the one person whom didnt expected reminded me my best how much i lost i guess in a way the person whom i dream as a future event and the one person whom reminded me why i believe in love help me to empowered me for love because i know how it feels to be lost to be down and over all be vulnerable

Have i really live my life no not at all i guess in a way my freedom was taken young age compare to now am in my 30s doesnt help because of my position of life

You know i never really thought i reach my 20s as young child i had dream that i be known in all humantiy but in a young age i stop dreaming stop hoping stop so many things when i woke up its like coming into new world others live it but i just woke up i saw it all and everything in a different ways and forms does it hurt yes because i lost decades three of my life in the word pain ect more

Someone like me us like going in time but the only whom doesnt change is me you know like been less in my entire like sometimes i truly question myself am i free i mean i am my own prisoner damn blessing and a damn curse it hurts but a victory as well complex

In my young age till i woke up i said to myself i am nothing i dont matter i am not famous but some point in life i was down in ways and forms i couldnt image what can say about that when i woke up it was like some sorta freedom for me like i am living for the first time but trap inward me

Young age i assume at year 5 my age thats where i lost myself not even know it damn how could that happen normal childhood i guess not i wasnt fully their how can i explain that compare to now

When i look at 2025 and my past i realize it you know where the hell have i been for the past three decades of my life damn when 2026 is coming where am i going do i have a future what the hell is now for me you know

In a ways does instagram stories are more for me than the people because am trying to let go parts of me and yet bring me up when it comes to it do i believe in love parts of me yes but am in a position that am questing that in me i know i know love me first always forever and ever i get it

I guess am vulnerable looking for me because all this is still new to me one thing i know is am different than all and the rest i guess am unique that way sucks but i am

When it comes to me do i know pain in ways and forms yes i do sucks but i do i fucking do part of me is i fear love but i have a lot of love to give yes

Idk what this condition is call but sucks balls tho

Somewhere in me is crying it happen everything and all has to happen for a reason it happen to me idk what to say

If life was easy i did well if life was hard i did perfect damn

One thing about me is i love movies ect ect things like horror movies ect more i love music i love stories i consider myself private person about my feelings y i became a private person not that i was clompelety open anyways 

I never really thought i be worth more because i see myself less sometimes things arent as what they seem are their i am one example of that damn